My book so far.. What do you think?
When you think of flowers, you think of beauty. Would if that beauty was clouded by evil that we couldn’t see? Like we’re lost in a world we don’t know anymore. Connections lost. So I stay up and think about all of these possibilities. What if I were to die today who would care? I’ve lost everyone I use to know. My name is Hilary Morphine. Yes, I know Morphine like the drug. Ugh, I hate it the way people always use to joke me about that.
I use to live in a small town in Kentucky. I was born and raised in Caneyville, Kentucky. I had never been anywhere else. Until, my dad, and brother died in a car accident two months ago. Me and my brother, Chris, we’re really close. He was 17 at the time, about to turn 18. My mom couldn’t take living in the house we use to live in. So we moved to Panama City Beach, Florida. It’s really different here. I left behind all my friends, and my boyfriend. Though, I didn’t find out from a friend that he was cheating on me. Oh well, that’s history now anyways. It’s time to move on now. I’m 16 by the way. I know you were probably wondering but yep.
Life has been hard, but it’s always had its up and downs. And tomorrow is the first day of school. Ugh, why did this have to happen? Why’d my dad ever have to start drinking? You know everyone says things happen for a reason. Well why did this happen, what is the point? My mom’s heartbroken, and I don’t have anyone to talk to. I’ve basically just been alone. Some days I just don’t feel like trying to move or breathe. Nothing, nothing it all, just to give up. Sometimes all the confusion in this world blinds me from how life should be. Not how it could be or how I wish it was. Just plain and simple how life should be, I can’t even answer some of my own questions. I get lost and confused like everybody else. I believe some day this world will fall apart though, it’s going to happen.
My world is just beginning to shake. As I sit here and think about this for just a short amount of time. Though somehow I know things will get better. Everyone keeps telling me it takes time. How long must it take? This suffering is terrifying. It frightens me half to death almost all the time. I wish almost all the time that it would only take a blink of the eye for things to change. Do you ever wish you could read some one’s mind? Sometimes I wish I could read my Mom’s mind, so I could know what to say.
Well tomorrow’s my first day of High School at this new place. I know no one and no one knows me. I’m not preppy or emo or anything, but I’m just me and I hope people will talk to me. Because it would be really weird if I was just by myself, at my old school I was popular. Yeah, I was dating the quarterback and I was the captain of the volleyball team. I never did cheerleading or dance. So I don’t have elegance like most girls have. I’m like a tomboy.
And if you don’t like that oh well to you. I’ll take my jeans and a t-shirt over anything. I had towards my bed and turn off the light. Time I get some good old sleep before school tomorrow.
Later on the next morning at about 5am. My alarm rings in my ear as Riot by Three Days Grace goes off. I wake up and try to get out of bed. Ugh, it’s just going to be a nightmare I can feel it. I’m going to die.
In the picture my cousin Emily is the one standing next to me on the left. I’m the one holding my shoes haha :)
